I’m a fuckin’ mess.

From approximately 1998 through 2005, Eric the Red and I put out a zine called Here.Be.Dragons.  We did 9 1/2 issues in that time.  Every six months or so one of us will bring up the possibility of finally making issue #10 happen.  Recently it was Eric’s turn to bring it up.  A simple text: “HBD10?”

All I could think to say is ” I think i’m retired from the writing game.”

If you’ve been following this blog, you know that part of why I was doing this was a challenge myself to write more and was hopefully going to lead me to doing a new zine and maybe completing that issue #10.  But once again, if you’ve been following along, you’ve no doubt noticed that there hasn’t been a whole lot to follow along to.  It has been two months since my last post.  It is not for a lack of trying, but I just haven’t been able to put together much of anything that I felt was worth posting.

Writing has never been easy for me, but I’ve enjoyed it.  Lately it has gotten harder and less enjoyable. Less enjoyable is a nice way of putting it.  My attempts at writing lately have often just made me feel shitty about myself.  There just hasn’t been much coming out and I think that makes me feel like maybe there just isn’t much there.

This isn’t just limited to writing.  I hadn’t silkscreened.  I hadn’t played music.  Over the last six months or so I’ve thought several times of just clearing out — sell the drums, sell the silkscreen supplies, just get rid of it all.

And once again I’m not sure where this writing is leading me.  Is this just another fuckin’ pity party for myself because I can’t figure my shit out?  I don’t know.

Maybe this is just my way of saying that the experiment of this blog is mostly a big failure.  Maybe this is just my way of responding to Eric’s more recent text: “You REALLY ‘retired’ from writing?”  I’m terrible at quitting things.  I know it.  He knows it.  I’m pretty predictable, so you probably know it too.  So maybe HBD10 will still see the light of day.  If you’ve waited 8 years, why not wait a little longer?